My world has been silent for too long. I look at all the boxes stacked in my living room from my move almost 6 months ago; I'm not sure where the time went. And it's still so strange to call this staple of my childhood "home" now. I look around at the antique furniture, 50th Anniversary memorabilia, pictures of people I don't even know. I'm still finding it difficult to start packing up a loved one's entire life into a box. I'm sure there's probably some sort of epiphany I should get out of this. I got nothing.

The cat catches my eye as it plays curiously with a cricket that she released yesterday when she knocked the keeper onto the floor. She doesn't mean to be so violent but the cricket never lasts more than a minute; and once the cricket stops kicking she's back at the cage again, staring in at the dozens of crickets who wait patiently for their turn to die in the jaws of a tarantula.

And I remember that it's been exactly two weeks since you've disappeared after enduring all of my sadistic curiosity and batting; lying discarded on the floor waiting to be swept up.

I don't think the cat ever means any harm; it's just a causality of the game. And while the death of the cricket may be slow at the claws of the cat, at least it escaped the intended fate of dying even more slowly as it's digested alive in the fangs of a tarantula.

And if this metaphor seems overly demeaning I can really only be so sorry before it just starts sounding like another one of my many meaningless apologies.

I've stared at this blank note-book page for far too long. I can't even follow my own train of thought. What am I thinking? How do I feel?

Cold. I hate winter.

My priorities have been completely screwed up over the last three months. I need to get back on track, but the harder I try the more depressed I get that I can't just pull myself out of this weird funk I'm in.

Maybe I just need to unplug again for a while. Or maybe I've been too unplugged lately. I can't tell anymore; and I don't know what I need.

Everything is just a blur again, and I can't even hear my own voice anymore.

Continued from January 11th Entry…

"Hillary came over laughing at me because I was so scared. Now she's terrified too, something's wrong." you spilled out over the telephone.

"What's going on?" I asked unamused, and rather annoyed. I have too much shit to do here at work than to be bothered with your ridiculous ghost stories.

"I had propped a chair against the basement door. While Hillary and I were in the living room talking we heard the squeak of the chair moving across the tile floor in the kitchen. We went into the kitchen and found that the chair had moved from the door to about halfway across the kitchen. Just then the front door (and screen door which Hillary made sure was firmly latched after she came in) flew open. Shortly after that we heard another loud crash in the basement and weird banging and groaning sounds all over the house."

I looked at the clock and decided to take an early lunch break. "I'll be over in about 15 minutes, just sit tight". I said as I grabbed my coat and quickly walked out to my car.

When I pulled up to the house I noticed Hillary and Lydia sitting in Hillary's car waiting for me. "You're so scared that you had to wait in the car for me?!"

"YES!" they both replied as I opened the side door and walked in.

Silence.

They explained it all again as I found the flashlight and went down to the basement to see what had fallen. Goose-bumps began to form as I made my way down the stairs. When I got to the bottom I flipped on the light switch and began searching. Every stack of boxes was still intact; nothing was out of place. After a quick but thorough investigation I came back up the stairs.

"Well? What was it?" You asked quickly, seeing my annoyed face.

"Nothing, there's nothing out of place, nothing had fallen on the floor."

"You have to be kidding! There was nothing that had fallen? It sounded like a stack of full boxes were falling on the ground! It was extremely loud!

"There was nothing on the floor that appeared to have fallen, all the stacks of boxes are still standing; everything on the bookshelves were intact. There was absolutely nothing out of place. You're welcome to come down and have another look with me."

"I'm not going down there!" you protested.

I spent another 10-15 minutes sitting in the living room waiting for something unusual to happen, but there was only the hum of the fans of my computer and awkward glances at each other.

"I need to get back to work" I said finally as I stood up and walked to the door.

"I swear I'm not making this up Jaydon." You said quickly, and frustrated.

"She's not making it up Jaydon, I heard it too." Hillary chimed in to defend you. But what could I possibly assume other than two people's imaginations getting the better of them?

That night you stayed up all night tossing, and turning, too terrified of the house around you to get even a few minutes of sleep. I slept as soundly as ever; certain that this would be the last I would ever hear of the "ghost in the basement".

---

My graceful stalking starkly contrasts my complete lack of grace. He summoned me without any conscious knowledge of it with the intentions to get rid of you; and to that end I will torment you relentlessly and furiously until you finally flee from him. In his kindness, compassion, and mercy have I become a vessel of his evil; my will is his true will. Even as you look upon his sleeping body, his eyes racing back and forth beneath his lids; he is standing behind you and beside the bed watching you with contempt and anger, and of him I have become. So even in his absence shall I follow you, and even when his mouth speaks to you, my tongue will hiss into your ear all that he truly thinks and wishes to say. And of this vessel of his channeled anger, of my perfect creation, will you come undone.

You were so beautiful all wrapped up in your blankets. I watched from the doorway salivating at every movement you made, tossing and turning, restless, nervous. I stepped slowly into the room and shut the bedroom door behind me. You started as the latch clicked shut, your eyes widened as you stared right through me at the door. I walked closer to you stumbling and shuffling past all the shit on the floor; you looked around frantically at the noises I made yet you seemed unable to see me. I leaned closer to you and I swear to all that is unholy I could almost imagine how delicious you smelled. You rolled over closer to him, and I became infuriated. Why would you cling so tightly to such a useless dying mortal shell? This is me in my most angelic form, fulfilling my most demonic desires; this is my own divinity in damnation, beauty rich in perversion.

---

I sprung from the bed, heart pounding, and lept to the dresser and slammed off the alarm clock that screamed louder than either of us ever could; greeting me to another morning. I sat down on my bed and looked at you, eyes wide opened but dark and heavy.

You didn't sleep well?" I asked. You looked at me and shook your heavy head slowly. "Did I snore again?" You shook your head again. "What happened then?" I asked as I began getting dressed for work.

"Don't worry about it, we'll talk later" you said with a yawn and rolled over to go back to sleep. After my morning cigarette I quickly got dressed and dashed off to work arriving later than usual.

Around 10:00am I sat staring at my computer at work, my eyes heavy; spacing out and trying to remember what I dreamed last night, when suddenly a message from you popped up on my screen.

MyFadingMisery: something weird is going on over here
HaloOfHatred23: what do you mean
MyFadingMisery: I was laying in bed just now and I heard a big crash down in the basement
HaloOfHatred23: it was probably that big stack of boxes I have down in the basement that always falls over
MyFadingMisery: there was something else that happened last night
HaloOfHatred23: what happened
MyFadingMisery: I was laying there in bed next to you. You had fallen asleep and doing your little soft snoring thing. I had closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, the music had shut off by then. MyFadingMisery: I suddenly heard the door click shut so I opened my eyes and glanced over at the door, but nothing was there so I just blew it off. Suddenly I got this sick feeling in my stomach, and started hearing a shuffling sound as though someone was walking around the bed.
MyFadingMisery: I freaked out. The noise stopped before too long and I rolled over closer to you and went to sleep…

Why wasn't I the least bit surprised? Why wasn't I frightened? Didn't I believe her? Absolutely.

HaloOfHatred23: Are you doing okay now?
MyFadingMisery: yeah, just listening to some music, I'm starting to calm down
MyFadingMisery: Jaydon… what did you dream about a few days ago?
HaloOfHatred23: I can't remember…
MyFadingMisery: you're lying you've been acting weird ever since.
HaloOfHatred23: I can't remember all of it, but I will try my best.
HaloOfHatred23: I had a dream that we were at my house, but it was different than my house; bigger but had the same characteristics. We were talking and suddenly you told me to look and pointed at something down the hall. I turned and looked and saw the most horrific sight I had ever seen; so horrible that my mind completely shut it out now. There was a demon there performing some sort of act that was so horrible it made me want to throw up.
HaloOfHatred23: I woke up and found myself still lying next to you; the dream still fresh in my mind, including the act that I have since forgotten. As I laid there I began wondering how any creature could be capable of so much evil. I began to wonder what it would be like, and as I began to imagine myself as a vile evil creature I felt a sort of "surge" inside of my body and I began to lose control. I began to feel my body pivoting across the bed, moving completely on its' own, and I tried to scream but all that came out was a frightening gurgle-growling sound.
HaloOfHatred23: I tried grabbing onto you as I continued to spin and distort, you continued to lay there asleep and undisturbed. I felt a sick and horrible energy surrounding me, like a black cloud of evil that filled my body as I breathed, that made my body burn and tingle violently.
HaloOfHatred23: Suddenly I woke-up once again laying next to you; but my body was still burning and tingling for about 10 minutes after I woke up. There was a smell too, I couldn't explain it, I had to get up and immediately take a shower. After the shower I sat down at my computer while you were still sleeping.
HaloOfHatred23: After an hour or two I could still smell it; it was like death and decay, feces, burnt hair, it was horrible. I had to take another shower.
HaloOfHatred23: After you woke up I had asked you if you could smell what I smelled but you said you didn't. The rest of the night was fairly normal, however I was still shaken, spacey, and the smell was still there. I had to take a third shower later that night.
MyFadingMisery: don't you think it's a little strange that all this started happening after you had that dream?
HaloOfHatred23: it was just a dream; and one that I have had at least once before (that I remember)
MyFadingMisery: when?
HaloOfHatred23: I was 19, so it's been about 7 years
MyFadingMisery: did anything weird happen after that?
HaloOfHatred23: I guess so… I never really thought about the events being related…
MyFadingMisery: I just heard it again, a loud crash in the basement… I called Hillary, I'm going to go outside and wait for her; I can't sit in here anymore

This entry will be continued…

Don't you see? You're so quiet now. What happened to all the yelling and shouting? What happened to you being right; to her being a whore in your mind? Did you realize I stopped listening? Or did you realize that he started listening? Suddenly frightened by the sound of your own voice are we? I'm getting incoherent again; let me try this once again.

Our eyes glowed in fury, radiating the impact of a thousand suns in energy composed of nothing but anger and hatred. After the explosion of uncontrolled furry and violence there was a silence as I hit the chair and shut off; staring at you in sad eyes filled with adoration even in my hatred. This is the beautiful part of me right now, understanding, patient, forgiving; the unbridled rage has left my body leaving me exhausted, to manifest at its' own will.

"Are you listening to me?" you bellowed, all I could hear was the silence of your yells getting lost as it traveled down the hallway. I smiled when I saw you go white in realization, you could feel it too. Your voice dulled to a whisper, "He's here isn't he?"

"Or she" I thought to myself; it has characteristics of both. I've never acknowledged the presence to anyone, never talked about it even to my closest friends. Some people detect it, some don't, most just know.

"Why would he follow you here after you moved?" you asked. I tried my best not to burst out laughing as I casually shrugged my shoulders pretending like I barely knew anything about it. I learned as a child that playing ignorant regarding this is best; regardless of trust or truth.

"Did your dream have something to do with it?" you asked.

"What dream?" I asked. That dream had a lot to do with this, but I really didn't want to go down that road with you right now.

"You had a dream a couple days ago, when we were taking a nap after we got back in town, you talked about it creeping you out, and you were going to tell me about it a couple of times since then but stopped yourself. You were acting weird for a day afterwards"

"Hm… I can't really remember it anymore, sorry. It was just a dream" I lied.

"Jaydon, ever since that day I've had the worst feeling in my stomach whenever I'm over here, like something bad is happening, or that something else is here."

"It's just me" the first true thing I'd told you tonight. And coincidentally the only thing you wouldn't believe. "Let's just get some sleep, you'll feel better in the morning…"

I love making up, sometimes I think that's half the reason we argue to begin with…..

This entry will be continued…