The flash of faces ceases with each gasp of breath, with every one of your pathetically cute moans. I want to forget it all, to bury it beneath these sweat-soaked sheets. I want to scream with every thrust, every bite, every memory that I strive so hard to replace, to forget in this sick act of degradation and humiliation. I just want once more to be overcome in the violence as I explode into everything I've hated, incinerating every lie that got us here in the first place.
And to think that some people believe there's something sacred in all of this.
You were always the sweet one that would come in my time of need. Beautiful, but nowhere close to what is best for me. And maybe if I had a conscience I wouldn't treat you this way. I've never been able to figure out how I can love so much and care so little. But I just can't seem to help but view you as a scarred and bruised plaything to make me come in my time of need.
The night's last cigarette is when it always collapses in on me, and in the smoke that curls in front of my face I see the monster that you see. Nothing really matters in the screaming, the love we wrap around us to hide the hate-filled core; in the morning we'll wake up knowing that this was never where we belonged.
And I'm not sure either of us would have it any other way
Sometimes you can find a way to fascinate me, as we sit in the silence as the light of dawn begins to creep in beneath the window shades; whispering all your nauseating adorations and affections. Sometimes I'm comforted as you rhapsodize about your happiness over the hum of the fan; but most of the time I just wish that you would shut-up and look pretty.
I'm not sure what is colder sometimes, my heart or the temperature in this God-forsaken room. You slammed the door again as I find myself alone shivering in the bed trying not to laugh at your pathetic outburst. Sometimes my arrogance gets the better of me; and all it took was one word bleeding through my lips to bring whatever connection we may have had to a close. But I have to admit that it's nice to have the bed to myself as I curl up in the warm blankets and relax to the sound of you crying me to sleep on the bathroom floor again.
I am currently in a state of limbo, as is evident in the lack of updates or really any online presence. Just let me enjoy life and being happy a little bit longer before I start the blatant self-destruction again.