The lamp in the living room flickered violently as I sat on the filthy couch curled up into a little ball. Not a thought was in my head as I stared blankly at the floor, paralyzed in a drunken haze that I'd been lost in for weeks. I watched another bug climb out of an old beer can and scuttle beneath a pile of paper on the floor, rousing the alarm of a mouse that bolted and disappeared in the ruins of an armchair destroyed years ago.
I shivered as I pulled the crusted blanket up around me while I continued to stare in the pulsating light from the last working fixture in the house. She was late again, but I never even gave it a thought. I laid my head back down on the arm rest and took in the smell of mold that ruptured from beneath my head. I continued to shiver despite the fact that I was too numb to feel cold. I picked up a glass from the floor in front of me and quickly guzzled down whatever the hell was left in it.
I heard the door creak open slowly and the familiar sound of her footsteps as she walked in, shutting the door behind her. I didn't move as I watched her walk in, her hair tussled, a smile of temporary content on her face, her underwear hanging out of her back pocket. She paid even less attention to me than the half-starved cat that made its' home in the only livable corner of the room. She continued to wade through the junk on the floor to the kitchen, swearing when she stepped on another piece of broken glass. I heard her pour out 2 drinks. When she returned she handed one to me as she curled up next to me on the couch. I could still smell his cologne on her as I choked down the liquor.
I fell into another stare as I watched the cat trying to find the mouse that ran beneath the broken chair. She ran her hands through my hair, gently rubbing my scalp as another unannounced tear trickled from my eye. I reach behind the armrest and pull up the bottle of Rum to wash down another handful of sleeping pills to usher another iteration of the cycle: sleep, wake, drink, argue, repeat. Of everything that I used to be, of everything that I've had, of every dream that had crossed paths with me, I still don't understand how I ended up this way.
And despite all of your denials, I know that deep down somewhere inside you're laughing that I finally got what I deserved.